2018-02-07 / Opinion

Philosophers of the century

submitted by a friend

•Betsy Salkind... Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years.

• Jean Kerr... The only reason they say, “Women and children first,” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

•Prince Philip... When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

• Harrison Ford... Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

•Spike Milligan... The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.

•Jean Rostand... Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

•Arnold Schwarzenegger... Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

•WH Auden... We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

•Jonathan Katz... In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

•Johnny Carson... If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

• Warren Tantum... (School photo album). I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius, and we're very skeptical.

•Steve Martin... Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

• Jimmy Durante... Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

•George Roberts... The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

•Jonathan Winters... If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

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